Tales From Japan: Japanese Finger Enemas!

By Donald Ash | Tales from Japan

Video Transcript


The name of today’s tale is Finger Enemas (Japanese Finger Enemas)

You know I don’t particularly like it when children stick their fingers in my arse.

It’s a weird way to kick off a video, but somebody out there needs to hear it, otherwise, you’ll end up like me. Nobody told me! Nobody told Donald that there was a finger enema game! Nobody told me. Donald had to find out FOR HIMSELF!!




WHAT IS THE KANCHO GAME

The word kancho (浣腸|かんちょう) in Japanese means to give an enema. If you’re not familiar with what an enema is, I’ve never actually had one but, it’s like a plastic tube or like a bulb and tube that a doctor sticks into your anus to clean out your bowels, usually before a procedure or something. Or, if somebody is really constipated, sometimes they use an enema.

The kancho game is actually a finger enema game. So you’re not using plastic tubes in this game, you’re using your fingers. You run up behind somebody who’s not expecting it, and you…take your index fingers and jam them in the butt.

STEP 1: CONSTRUCTING THE WEAPON
Place the palms of your fingers together while interlocking your middle, ring, and pinky fingers. Cross your thumbs for support. You now harness the power of a mighty enema weapon.

STEP 2: FIND AN UNSUSPECTING VICTIM

STEP 3: SNEAK UP BEHIND YOUR VICTIM

STEP 4: WITH A MENACING GLARE, PREPARE YOUR WEAPON

STEP 5: THRUST VICIOUSLY & VIOLENTLY

Viciously and violently attack the crack and hole of the buttocks.

Congratulations, you sir are the winner.



GRIM REALITY…


There are no winners in the finger enemas game…you permanently damage your victim’s psyche and your fingers end up smelling dreadfully of a$%.

Enjoy the game?


MY VERY FIRST KANCHO

I was teaching at Aeon and I was trying to be a good teacher, trying to extend the dialogue beyond the classroom. So I’m outside standing and talking to my students.

I don’t even see this thing coming. I don’t know why…this kid was bigger than normal! He was like twice the size of all the normal kids in his class, and heavy-handed mind you. 

That little boy had such impeccable aim that I felt this kancho in my stomach here (gestures to stomach). And the kancho enters from the back.


When I tell you I wanted to curl up into the fetal position and cry…

After he did it, it was part shock, part pain…I was a little bewildered, I was a little bit violated, I was confused…

You know, I kind of felt, and I’m not to be funny, like a rape victim. I didn’t know how…I didn’t know what to do. But I had to yell at him and the words just weren’t really coming:
 
ULRLUAAFEVLUUHBLERH!!…AHH!

Translation: Why would you do that? I don’t understand why you just put your fingers in my anus. I didn’t do anything to you, little boy. That’s messed up, don’t do that again, or I’m gonna punch you in the face.




IMAGINE THIS

Imagine kancho-ing a teacher of yours. 


I remember in 7th grade I had this math teacher named Mr. King. He was just super cool. Everybody loved him. He could run fast, he was athletic, he was smart, he could do all this stuff.

If I ran up to Mr. King as a 7th grader and I was like “Hey man!” and I did like this (kancho gesture)…Do you know what would happen?!?




Mr. King: (Grabs Donald’s index fingers) ERRRRrrrr….

Donald: MR. KING NO,”PLEASE!!! MR. KING! MR. KING! NO! NO! NO!”

-SNAP- (Mr. King breaks Donald’s fingers)


Donald: AHHHHhhhHAAaaaHAAaaa!! 
(sobbing) Oh God, he was my favorite teacher (sobbing, more sobbing)

ANOTHER CURIOUS JAPANESE FINGER ENEMA CASE

Okay, there were these four boys. So two boys grab this one, little, weaker kid (unfortunately) and they put him on the floor. So one kid pinned down one arm and the other kid pinned down another. And while this weak boy was helplessly pinned on the floor.

The fourth person in this whole thing runs up behind him and he’s just like…

“UNNNNhhh!”

“UNNNNNHHHHhh!”



“UUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNHHHHHhhhhh!”

Donald: “STOP! Let him up! Let him up! Let the boy up! What’re you doing?!?!”

And they look at me like “Wha? What?” Like they don’t know that forcibly sodomizing a weaker boy is bad.

WHERE DID THE KANCHO GAME COME FROM?

You know where I think this game from? And I don’t know, I’m probably wrong. But I assume some prison inmate got loose or got released, and he just had an unusually strong anal fetish. 

He probably ran up on a group of kids…



Kids: “We’re bored we don’t know what to do.”
Escaped Inmate: “I know a game you can play…”(criminal holds up his index fingers in kancho position while talking in a creepy voice)

Not to make light of stuff like that, but I have no other grounds to base this game on. I NEVER played that game at home!

[My little brother’s name is Derrick] 
Donald: “Hey bro!” (Donald kanchos his younger brother)

Derrick: “Hey Donald” (Derrick kanchos Donald back)

We don’t play that game in my house!


And Even when it happens at the school (here in Japan anyway…do it in the U.S. and you’re probably going to juvie for six months), teachers pass it off as “Oh, kids will be kids.”
 
Umm…NO!

WRAP-UP & DISCUSSION

Have you been brutalized by finger enema or kancho? If so we’d love to hear about it. You can give us a call at the Japan Guy hotline, or you can just leave a comment in the section below..

Thanks for watching guys. Bye 😀

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Donald Ash is an ATLien expat who has been living in a Japanese time warp for the last six years. While in aforesaid time warp, he discovered that he absolutely loves writing, blogging, and sharing. Donald is the creator, writer, designer, editor, programmer, and occasional bad artist of thejapanguy.com blog (that's just way too many hats, dude). Wanna know more about this guy? Check out his "What's Your Story" page.
  • Alyssa W

    no. no. this is not a thing. no. i don’t believe it.

    although we once had a dinner party that got a little out of hand and a japanese dude punched our american friend in the balls (they did not know each other). at the table, in front of everyone. he claimed it was a normal thing to do to your guy friends when you get excited.

    so i guess finger enemas aren’t actually that crazy…

    • thejapanguy

      Yep. LOL. Unfortunately it’s a real thing. 1 in 3 teachers will be violently kancho-ed at some point in their expat teaching careers (I don’t know any actually stats, but it sounds more like a public service announcement when I fake it 🙂 )
      OOoooooo….just hearing about dudes getting punched in the balls, even as a joke, makes me (most guys for that matter) cringe just a little.

      I think I might actually prefer the finger enema to the ball punch, ijs 😀

      • Av

        Thanks for the heads….er….butts up. Definitely wont let any of those little buggers get behind me. Kind of like never turning your back to the sea.

    • OUCH! I’m glad the “ball-punching” game wasn’t something I was introduced to. But sadly, yes…finger enemas are very real…(cut to scene where Donnie is being taken out on a gurney to have a pair of Japanese fingers surgically removed from his anus).

  • NancyM

    Actually, “goosing” in American culture is a similar concept, though much, much less invasive: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Goose.
    I recommend setting a classroom policy that anyone who kancho’s the teacher get an automatic “F, ” and perhaps a parent-teacher conference.

    • thejapanguy

      OMG! Why have I never heard of “goosing?!?” ROFLMAO!

      That sounds like a winning policy to me, Nancy. I definitely would’ve done that if I had the power to fail anybody. But the evaluations we did couldn’t stop a child from progressing, even if was a bad evaluation.

      However, the parent-teacher conference thing would work well, for sure! I found that I didn’t need it, though. If I was stern with the kid “no games, no smiles, whatsoever” the kid understood that I meant it, and wouldn’t even attempt to try it again.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Nancy!

  • John Litton

    Well japan seems to have a lot of weird fetishes and i don’t understand them all but, kancho was definitely invented by some weird pervert.

    • thejapanguy

      Hahahaha! I totally feel you on that, John.

      • John Litton

        Thanks

  • AoiMyst

    I’ve had a Linguistics professor who had worked for some time in Japan tell us about Kancho, so I’ve known about it for a while. And well there’s Naruto too. Certainly hope that’s something I can avoid when I go to teach in Japan because it looks and seems highly unpleasant.

  • OMG this video was hilarious. When I lived in Korea, kids used to love this game too and I thought it was the most awkward thing ever.

  • Dani

    wow. I feel for you. Thanks for the great and informative videos!

    • Thanks, Dani! I’m getting alot better at blocking them, now, though!

  • saninjapan

    ahhhhh yes, “goosing” someone….I forgot about that….it’s a way to flirt actually, I guess…you go up behind someone and GENTLY pinch them on their butt cheek and giggle….yep, it’s called a ‘goose”…..as in you goose someone… oh and this gancho game sounds horrid, and very un-japanese like…..it surprises me that this would be allowed/acceptable/considered funny…..no, actually, it scares me more than surprises me.. LOL

    • It scares me too! I wake up in cold sweats like “NO! PLEASE! NO MORE! NO MORE KANCHOS!”
      LMAO. Well it doesn’t happen THAT often, but I don’t see the appeal of the game, personally…I’m just saying 😀

  • Zack

    I don’t get it…how do they get INSIDE of you? Are clothes not typically worn while teaching in Japan?

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