Hello Kitty Plus Sadako Equals Terrifyingly Cute

By Donnie | Scary Japan

On my way home from work, I usually pass through this rather peaceful, Yokohama neighborhood. While strolling, I decided to take a detour. I wanted to take some time to soak in those beautiful Japanese sunset oranges and pinks.

Gazing at the sky and daydreaming without a care in the world, I suddenly noticed something moving out of corner of my eye. A rather odd kitten crossed my path. The cat was wearing a dress and apparently, a wig. This didn’t strike me as strange because In Japan, it’s not uncommon at all to find owners who dress their pets, but I never have I ever seen a cat wearing a wig!

This cat seemed lost and, judging by how erratically she was walking, maybe even hurt. She paused turned her little kitty head towards me only to reveal a face covered in long black hair. Concerned, I approached the cat knowing that somebody in the neighborhood was probably the worried owner. I knelt down and carefully picked up the cat to see if I could find a tag.

I gently parted this kitten’s hair…

My eyes were not prepared for the shock they were to receive. My pupils quickly dilated in dread. Tremors of terror down shivered down my spine. I was jolted to my very soul…

The Story of Sadako

Ahh! Sadako!Once upon a time there lived a (apparently happy) mother, father, and a young daughter. The family would often spend lots of quality family time together: family dinners, mother daughter hair combing sessions, piggy back rides with dad, and even the occasional horseback ride. Then one day, the Mom threw the daughter down a deep dark well.

The End

Whaddya mean, “What’s the rest of the story?” My story explains all you need to know. Some people wonder why Sadako kills people in the first place. Well, if YOUR Mom suffocated you with a black trash bag and threw YOU down a well shaft, you’d probably want to lash out, too.

Sadako is now this not quite dead, not quite alive, specter that jumps out of people’s television sets and literally frightens them to death. Sadako enjoys long, damp walks in the meadows, wearing the same clothes everyday, and being spontaneous.

The Story of Hello Kitty

Hello KittyOnce upon time, in the mythical village of Sanrio, there lived a kind, compassionate old man (let’s say his same was Koichi). He was kind to everyone in the community and spent much of his time caring for the stray cats in the village. The Japanese Cat gods were very pleased with this and created for Koichi the cutest cat that ever lived. The old man named her Kitty Chan.

Kitty Chan was the best cat a master could hope for. Koichi and his cat had the perfect pet/master relationship. The elderly man enjoyed many years of cat bliss.

The problem though was that the Gods created a cat that was too cute and one day someone stole Koichi’s cat. Stricken with grief the old man became gravely ill.

The Gods saw this and took mercy on him. The Gods created a corporation called “Sanrio” and created a mascot called “Kitty Chan” to replace the cat that Koichi had lost. The corporation became a multi-billion dollar industry and was enough to pay the sick, old man’s medical bills.

When his health improved, Koichi became CEO of Sanrio and went on to become very wealthy, and lived happily ever after.

Is that the real Story?
No, it isn’t. Gosh! Gimme a break will ya? I was trying to be creative!

Parts of the story are true. Sanrio is a real company, and according to good old Wikipedia, the Hello Kitty business earns in excess of 5 billion dollars a year! Yes billions with a “B.”

Well, perhaps I “B” in the wrong line of work (See what I did there?).

Hello Kitty + Sadako

Very recently I saw that Sanrio was promoting some rather “interesting” merchandise for the Sadako 3D movie. Believe it or not Sanrio decided to do a Hello Kitty/Sadako crossover.

What do you get when you cross the cuddly cuteness that is Hello Kitty with the freakishly frightening Sadako? You get this:

Hello Sadakitty towel

Or this

Or these

Or this

At first I thought this was a weird combination, but then I thought the it’s actually kind of brilliant. What Hello Kitty fan wouldn’t want this? I’m not a Hello Kitty fan and I bought some merchand…er…(in my manliest possible voice) I thought of buying some merchandise.

This scary little kitty doesn’t have a name that I’m aware of so here are some names I came up with:
Sadakitty. No?
Sadako Chan. No?
KittyKo? No?
Hello Sadako?

Okay, well YOU come up with a better name! That’s the best I could do.

Although Hello Kitty/Sadako appears to be quite cute, buyers beware. God only knows what happens when you lift up the hair on this kitten’s face. The next time a seemingly cool kitten crosses your path, wearing a dress and sporting some rather long, wet, creepy-looking hair, do yourself a favor and let the cat be. Otherwise you’ll end up just like me…

(Cue the creepy Halloween wind. Pan out to show a computer keyboard typing by itself.)

Happy Halloween Everybody!!

*Special thanks to my good friend Marisa D. for getting me killed by a cat.

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