I wanna tell you about this girl that I used to do date.
When I was little younger. I’m not old now. I’m still young, but when I younger…there was this girl I used to date.
And…Wow, what can I say about her? She was everything I wanted in a girl. She was really smart, she was cute, wasn’t high maintenance whatsoever. She just liked to hang out. She didn’t need anything special. We just enjoyed being in each other’s company and that was enough.
But one day she came up to me and she said “Donald, I’m sorry but I can’t see you anymore.”
I was devastated. With tears in my eyes I pleaded with her: “Please don’t do this! I thought we were having a good time. What’s wrong?”
“Donald, I think we were having a good time, too.
But…I’m a cartoon…I’m a cartoon, Donald.”
This is Donald with thejapanguy.com and today let’s talk about CARTOON CRUSHES!
Now don’t lie. I know somebody knows what I’m talking about. Somebody out there had a crush on a cartoon and you just don’t wanna admit it. But I’m gonna admit it. I’m gonna put everything on the table right now. I had a cartoon crush, and today and I’m gonna tell you about the first three (well the third one wasn’t really a crush but we’ll talk about that later). I’m gonna tell you about the first cartoon crushes I can remember.
Number one: I had a crush on Inspector Gadget’s niece, Penny Gadget. In my little five year-old, six-year-old brain (or whatever year it was) I just didn’t make the connection that you couldn’t BE WITH a cartoon. You know?
I just saw this cute little girl on TV talking. And at five or six I’m not thing “Man I wanna have sex with Penny Gadget.” I’m not thinking that in my head. I’m just thinking “Man, she’d be really cool to hang out with.”
She was the one that was always saving the day. Let’s face it, if we left saving the world up to Inpsector Gadget, we’d all be dead right now…because he was a screw up.
But Penny, would always save the day. She had the cool watch. She was smart. She was cute.
And we know she wasn’t high maintenance because she wore the same clothes everyday. Now I do hope in real life, if she was real, that she wouldn’t stink, you know? Because, I guess if you’re wearing the same clothes all the time…but I’m sure she washed them. She seemed like the type of girl who was always on top of her business. So, yeah, my first cartoon crush was Penny Gadget.
Cartoon Crush Number 2: …
Uh, I’m just gonna get into it. I’m not gonna try to explain anything.
Did you ever watch the cartoon “Heathcliff” back in the 80s? Well, if you didn’t, Heathcliff was this rambunctious cat that was always getting into fights and always getting into trouble. And there was this other gang of cats that he would always get into fights with (I wanna say it was five other cats, maybe?).
But the boss/leader of that gang of cats, who I suspect was a pimp because he had a cane and a really cool hat…his girlfriend was this really sexy cat named Cleo. Cleo was one of the first cartoons I remember that had curves. Yeah she was a cat! Hey, don’t…don’t judge me! Don’t judge me! Yes she was a cat! Okay?!
You know what, we’re gonna look at the picture right now:
She had the 80s leg warmers that were kinda hot back in the day, she was tall, curvy, she wore eye shadow. She was always looking cute. And What topped it off was…you know how sometimes when a girl has long hair?… When she wears it down, it’s cool. When she wears it in a ponytail, it’s cool. But there’s something just slightly exotic about a woman who puts the hair on one side…
Right? RIGHT!? No?…You don’t know what I’m talking about? Nobody agrees because it’s a cat…
But you know what? I’m just trying to be honest. I thought the cat was sexy.
But…does that make me a pervert? Does that make me a pervert or a weirdo? Because if I said that to you in real life. If I was like “Hey man! That cat look sexy don’t it? That is a sexy cat!”
You’d probably think “Umm, I don’t need to talk to you anymore, Donald, because I suspect you’re into bestiality.”
And I’m not into bestiality! But am I in the wrong for thinking a cartoon cat is sexy. I’m just saying…
Number three is not a cat, it’s not even a girl. It’s a machine.
The first Japanese anime I ever watched, and I guess I completely forgot about it, was a cartoon called Tranzor Z. I think in Japan…I wanna say the name of it was different. I think it’s Mazinger Z? Something like that? But anyaway…
There were two main robots in this anime series. One of course Tranzor Z (I think that was the name) and the lady robot was named Aphrodite. And the cool thing about Aphrodite was that she had missile boobs
Now I didn’t have a crush on the robot per se, but I think that cartoon really got me interested in female anatomy. When she (Aphrodite) was in the heat of battle she could shoot off a breast. They could come off independently of each other.
As I kid I was like “WHOA! Is that what breasts can do! JESUS! That’s awesome!”
And ever since that cartoon I was fascinated with breasts…still am.
Okay, so I poured my soul. I embarrassed myself with my cartoon crushes. And NOW I wanna hear yours.
What are your cartoon crushes? Because somebody out there is an adult with a cartoon crush…AND THAT’S ALRIGHT! I’m not gonna judge you! I may laugh a little in private, but I’m not gonna judge, you know? Let’s all laugh together!
So…I wanna hear what your cartoon crush or crushes are/were.
I don’t care if it’s an animal, if it’s a plant, if it’s a sexy dog. I don’t know…I don’t know what you’re into.
You can leave them in the comments section below and I’ll see you next time.
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