Remember how I told you I almost lost my passport last week? Well, the manager, her daughter, and I were rushing out of City Hall to her van. We didn’t have any time to spare, so I hop in the van and hear “RIP!!” And I try to convince myself that maybe it’s Tomomi Sensei’s seat that made the sound, but deep down, I get that sinking, gut-wrenching feeling you get when know you’ve just screwed up. I know I’ve just ruined my pants completely. How did it happen? I’m still not really sure. As you know Japan is the Ultimate Weight Loss Solution, so all of my pants are pretty loose now. I guess the stars lined up just right for me to step up into the van and rip my freakin’ pants. I apprehensively reached down to feel the damage I had done. I ripped my pants from right underneath my “no-no place” to about mid-anus (for lack of a better description).
Being that I was in a hurry, there was exactly zero minutes and zero seconds to change pants. So I had to go into my 3-4 year olds class and risk looking like some sick pervert…I could just imagine parents yelling at me in Japanese “Why were you showing your business to my daugther/son…” Sigh. Of all the classes, why did my pants have to rip before this one? This is the class where we don’t use desks…I usually sit on cross-legged on the floor, and we have to dance, sing, the whole nine yards. Oddly enough, the song for the day was “The Hokey Pokey.” You know…”You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!”
I am happy to report that I was able to get through the entire class without even being noticed. Lets just say I sat in “seiza” the entire class (kneeling with the insteps flat on the floor, and sitting on the soles of your feet) and it was the strangest looking Hokey Pokey you could imagine…but I got by…without being carted off to a Japanese prison for indecent exposure.
Boy am I glad that day is over,
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